- Before you flame me, please remember I’m only speaking about my personal experiences with sexual identity, I am in no way trying to imply that anybody else should/will have a similar evolution.
- Don’t worry, part two of the vibrator guide will be up next week!
- Make sure you check out Octopus Pie tomorrow to see my guest strip :D Thanks to @readsulagna, Kim and Steve Lieber for the text on panels 4, 5 and 6. And Meredith herself for the final panel ;)
Thanks for this. Labels are tough – they seem to cover so few situations.
I’m married to a guy, so I could easily say I’m straight. But I’m attracted to women and I’ve had sex with a few, so I’m definitely bisexual. But that comes with so much stigma, so maybe I should go with queer? But since I’m married to a guy and unlikely to have a relationship with a woman any time soon I feel like I’m co-opting other people’s much more difficult experiences by labeling myself as queer, so maybe I’ll just go with straight. Even though it’s pretty inaccurate, and some people get iffy about straight people who are very concerned about gay rights.
There’s just no good answer.
Ashke, LOTS of straight people are very concerned with gay rights. We have relatives and friends who are directly affected, and we ourselves are indirectly affected just on the basis of what our society stands for and says to the world at large. (DOMA, for instance, marks us as bigots whether or not we’re directly affected or feel that way personally. Our societal laws make that statement to the world.) Someday the labels will be, if not irrelevant, then merely curiosities; meanwhile we fight the good fight.
Oh, and the actual point — if people are “iffy” about us due to our egalitarian sensibilities, then perhaps they aren’t people about whom we need to care what they think of us. Or something like that. It’s late and my grammar is asleep.
I like how your sleeves regress through time…
Ugh, just ended a relationship with a guy that was all “transexuals are mentally ill” and the last guy was “ewwww, vaginas? grosssssss!”, but the last girlfriend was totally down with it and we could talk about guys and girls together. Damn, really wish we were ever on the same continent…
Anyone else notice that the shirt in the third panel looks like it says “Cum” ?
Maybe it’s just me.
Rather than labels, I wish we used tags like the Web does. Calling my best friend from grad school a “lesbian” only captures one dimension of her being. More appropriate are “gardener”, “biologist”, “Jane Austen fan”, “movie buff”, “good cook”, “great sense of humor”……..
It just struck me… I hope you’ve seen Bob and Rose? I don’t know if it ever made it to the States at all! It was probably the best thing Russell T. Davies has ever written…
Ratsnot : I thought it said “cunt”, but it could also be “cum”, I guess…
I hate being confused by labels…i much rather prefer people say “i like who i like” because i think it’s impossible to have a narrow definition of sexuality, it’s fluid (i think) so just loosen up! you love who you love, and are attracted to who you are attracted to, be it girl boy or transexual gay/lesbian. they’re only labels.
Oh god, that’s describing me pretty well so far. It’s uncanny!
Okay… so then why do all the accomplishments you define yourself with (at least online) revolve around your sexuality?
Z, People (including yourself, apparently) pay the most attention to the sex stuff, doesn’t mean I don’t have a whole world of other things going on.
Never had the sexual identity problem, always liked girls, except now I prefer women XD Love the comic, been reading since Jennie Breeden wrote about it a couple of years ago. Would you be OK with using some of your comics in our UU welcoming congregation classes?
This is my favorite one so far! The last panel really speaks to me as someone who hates how caught up people become in their sexuality. The worst part about it is that it is often a response to the repressiveness of our society. Anyway, don’t ever stop drawing – you are amazing!
Just thought I’d share zis: Age 11: Girls are pretty… But I’m not gay I’m just “appreciative” Age 12: I’m totally 100% gay and I love girls and only girls! Age 14: I must be pansexual, because I have a boyfriend. Bi? Me? Nah, that’s impossible. The term is PANSEXUAL. Age 15-16: I am gay but I have an exception. Now: This is too complicated!!! I GIVE UP!!! Ooh, she’s hot….
LOVE IT! I know I’m not alone…though I didn’t start until around cube 3. I went from bisexual, to lesbian to just queer. Thank you Erika!
Such a touching comic, Erika. I wish some of my friends would understand.
It is a human habit to impose limits, and establish categories to try to neatly define the elements around us, as well as those within ourselves. People are especially guilty of binary thinking, leading to “One or the other” “You’re with us, or you’re against us” mindsets. However, life isn’t black and white, it is the shades of gray in-between.
I can definitely relate to this comic. And I have to say I LOVE your site and your work!! I look forward to the next one :-)
I had this paragraph long comment about how humans instinctively label and categorize the world around us, but then I found out that nOObody had already said all of that and more. Anyways, as integral as labels are to our ability to better comprehend the world, they can be such a pain: Our tendency to mentally deconstruct people into an assembly of labels too frequently causes us to deny them their selves. The best thing we can do may be just to discourage people from letting their labels do all their thinking for them. Anyways, I really enjoy your work (having just read through the archives and gotten up to date), and I hope very much that you keep at it.
(Gah, I really wish I had some skill at brevity: I’m friggin’ 17, yet here I am droning on and on like a university professor D:)
I loooove panel 3.
After studying philosophy and gender for two years, I wish I’d come up with an argument like this for Judith Butler.
I just discovered your comic today, and I have to tell you how much I love it.
I realized I liked girls at 14 or so, and at 25 I still don’t know what the heck I am. Lesbian? But I like penises! Bisexual? But I don’t really connect to men the way I do women. Pansexual, perhaps, because I always think that it has a lot more to do with the person rather than the parts.
But in the long run, for the past 4 years I haven’t dated, kissed, had sex, and you know what? I’m happier than I’ve ever been. It’s so strange. Sure I like sex, I like girls, I like boys, I love drag queens and transmen, but I don’t have any desire to date or be in a sexual relationship with anyone.
I think I’m just meant to be a pansexual voyeur.
The age 17 one was me for a long time, until I got a boyfriend. I always figured bisexual or pansexual were the best labels since…why rule out possibilities? People are people etc. etc. etc.! :D
Oh my god! Labels are so terrible! Why do we even _have_ descriptive words?!?!? God! I hate labels. Its definitely labels which cause the problem. Y’know. Always boxing people in and stuff like that. They should call them “hate”-bels cause that’s all that words that describe people are used for. Clearly, it is the existence of labels which creates hatred. Why can’t everyone just be treated equally, y’know? We’re all like, human, yknow?
What’s with all this conflict? I bet if we ask nicely, all the people in power will be glad to help remedy all material difference so no privileged people have to feel troubled and confused by this nasty ‘categories’ and ‘difference’ and ‘social conflict’ stuff.
Hey, I got the best idea: if I start calling you “just a person” and you start calling me “just another person” and we don’t pay any attention to this lgbtq stuff, I bet the country’s marriage laws and all the subsequent financial and health protections and benefits they imply will suddenly magically stop using categories as well!
Thank you for the belly laughs(:
Absolutely spot on.
i’m so glad to have found your comics, Erica. <3
when i'm not so broke, i'll totally dish out the cash to make a purchase. reading your comic diary thing makes me feel like i'm not as freakish as i sometimes think, heh…
Love this one! :-)
Thank you for giving us all someone to relate to, Erika! I also identify as queer, even though I have a man I love 100%. We need to bring down all of the rigid labels. I never did understand how some lezzies and gays can be so judgmental about who someone loves when we all fight so hard AGAINST being judged.
I think its great you don’t keep yourself from love because you feel the need to fit a certain identity. I’ve seen a good few people miss out on the love of their lives because they were “straight” or “gay”. I say more power to anyone who can find their soul mate!
Girl…THANK YOU, really, THANK YOU! I know such a great bunch of people who live as if who they’re having sex (ok, ok…making love to, having a serious relationship…whatever, sex just irks them more so that’s the word I prefer to use) defines them. It starts out as “I think I will cut my hair/grow a beard/put skirts/never use skirts again because I want to fit in with those others” and ends up in abandoning friends ’cause they’re not gay/lesbian/hetero/bi/slutty/saintly(feel free to add up any sex based category you can think of or have witnessed) enough and even email a wonderful webcomic artist to tell her “just how much I’ve “disappointed” them by falling in love with a man” (quote). It’s horrible.
Hello. I’m Laura. I have 2 arms, 2 legs, a torso and hopefully a head too. And I love the way DAR tells people sex just doesn’t depict an entire personality. And everything else about it, from the art to the sarcasm, from it’s philosophy to the moments of silliness (and, of course, the fart jokes). Thank you for sharing your comic with the world, Erika. :)